Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Bubbe Speaks

I let it slip this week to one of my "families" here in Flatbush that I'm planning to ditch the Greater NYC area in the next several months to return to my native land. My declaration met with the expect New Yorker incredulity. I mean, who leaves NY, right?

Anyhow I had the pleasure of eating lunch at the said family's yesterday, and even more importantly, the opportunity to catch up with "Bubbe", the matriarch who has inspired quite a few posts. I just love her, and not only because she is a fellow Yekki. Well, okay, maybe that explains the meeting of the minds, but she is just a very wise old woman- and I mean that as the highest compliment. The topic inevitably turned to my planned relocation, and Bubbe weighed in with her two cents.

Basically, the gist of her comment is that I should stay in New York for the next year or so in order to find a shidduch. If you want to find a shidduch, New York is the place to be, and I should find a partner and then move. I explained to her that it was precisely because of the dating pool in New York that I felt I will need to search elsewhere. I've been thinking long and hard about what I want my life to be like, the one I want to share with any future anyone, if Hashem should be so kind as to eventually send such a person my way.

And I've realized a few things about what makes me happy. Now, obviously marriage isn't about happiness per se; it's about sharing your life with someone, about building and growing with someone. That said though, I want to try to get back to the things that ground me, because without that, I'm never going to be ready to start dating again. I need to get myself back to a happy and healthy self physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I truly believe that for me, that means leaving New York, and returning to Canada.

Problem is, Bubbe is a very wise lady. So now I'm thinking about what she said. Any thoughts, people?


  1. It's hard to weigh in without knowing details. Superficially though, staying in NY, if that makes you miserable, is not the best choice. People can sense unhappiness and discontent from miles away and it's a big turn off, so the number of eligible men really won't matter. On the other hand, Canada is not really a desert, and I am sure there are men there too. Unless i am wrong and the choices there are extremely limited. Then you need to rethink the whole moving thing.

    I don't think that was helpful, was it? Did i mention I wanted to move to Canada? No? Yeah, there are times when I really do want to move there. People there seem so much nicer. I am judging this purely on Due South, Pat Kiernan of NY1 and all the jokes made about our nice neighbors in US media.

  2. SW, thanks for the input. :)

    Let's face it- most people who are in NY want to stay in NY due to the "convenience" factor. I mean, I hear that one ALL the time. But for me, convenience isn't the end all and be all of existence, especially when you're paying out the wazoo for that convenience. I buy most of my clothes at Walmart, Target, or other such venues, NOT the overpriced frummie Ladies Apparel places. So if I move somewhere that offers one kosher restaurant, one kosher grocery, and two shuls, that's plenty for me.

    And, as an end note to my little rant, it's not like NY has the corner on shidduchim. Both of my hubbies were 40-something New Yorkers, so why keep fishing in the same pool, eh? Time to move on to other pastures.

  3. I'm one of the convenience people. NY sucks but things are convenient.

    We get everything in Syms. And there's a bash starting this Sunday.

  4. 7/5-7/12 markdowns in all departments.
    If you want to go today/tomorrow, I have a VIP card.

  5. Moshe, I don't know where Syms is, but is it a clothing shop? Sadly, due to my current streak of unemployment, I'm reserving my pennies in the clothing department for the crucials, aka stockings and shoes.

    But I'd like to take a rain cheque for future sales, once my employment situation resolves itself (soon, meretz Hashem)!

  6. 42 Trinity
    Rector on R/W, 2nd stop in Manhattan, I think.
    Go check it out while the bash is on.