Neighbour, Neighbour

I was vacuuming my floors yesterday afternoon when there was knock on my door. It was my downstairs neighbour.

She started off by the conversation by saying "That's why I would never knock (referring to my pre-Rosh Hashanah policy of tapping on the floor when her son was making a racket). This is making a lot of noise; my ceiling is shaking". Interestingly enough, she seemed a bit taken aback by the fact that the noise was caused by a vacuum. So I decided it was an opportune time to educate her about the nature of the building.

I told her also that I tried very hard to be quiet. My point was that I try to be considerate of the fact that what I do may affect them, i.e. I try to be a decent neighbour. But I think she didn't catch that, since she responded that I needn't refrain from doing anything because they're loud.

I think she did take away though how 1. her son's bedroom is below mine, and 2. the floors/walls are paper thin. In short, we live on top of each other, with no privacy. What I found interesting about the "exchange" was that the offense that I committed, in her opinion, was that my knocking was causing her son to feel like he couldn't do whatever he wanted. While I chalked it up to cultural differences, I couldn't help but think "But he can't do whatever he wants. He's a young boy. And he needs structure in his life!".

Anyhow, the incident weighted upon me, as it seemed to me that obviously, despite my lack of knocking since Rosh Hashana, there was lingering resentment on their part. So I figured that the right response was for me to go downstairs and try to clear the air one more time. My first attempt to speak to them en route to shul was unsuccessful - the wife was sleeping. I decided that I would leave shul early to try to speak with her again before heading over to friends for lunch. After all, peace takes precedence over everything, right? B'H', my second attempt was successful: as I came down the stairs, the husband was collecting the mail, and informed me that his wife was up. So ran over to their door and knocked. His wife opened the door, and was thrilled that I had come by. She said that she didn't have anything negative in her heart when she had come by the morning before, and while I wasn't 100% convinced of that had been true at the time, I did think that my coming by rendered that true retroactively.

It was a nice ending to the saga. And, now that we're formally introduced and the air has cleared, I'm hoping that for the duration of our time as neighbours, we'll be able to remain neighbourly and keep the peace, bli ayin hara. :)

Baking Challah

Last night I checked the freezer to see how many challahs I have left. Since I was down to one, today was challah day.

One good thing (okay, maybe the only good thing) about the current heat wave is that your dough sure does rise quickly under such conditions. The first rise happened in 20 minutes, and the subsequent two in 10. In short, the heat and humidity made for some very fluffy water challah. So for any of you who are "yeast-challenged", i.e. claim they cannot bake challah because it never rises, I suggest you try on day like today.

In a related vein, the issue I tend to have is not with the baking challah part- it's with the taking challah part. I can never remember how much flour equals the amount requiring the taking of challah. By that I of course mean officially, since I always take challah, even though some rebbeim claim that with certain volumes you don't take at all. Here is a run down of the general guidelines/quantities:

• 1 lb flour = approx 4 cups
• 5 lbs flour = take challah with the blessing
• 2 1/2 lbs flour to 5 lbs flour = take challah without the blessing
• Less than 2 1/2 lbs flour = do nothing
  

And FYI, if you hate having to smell up your kitchen with burning the challah taken, you have a couple of options. First, you can store the challah taken until Pesach, and then you burn it all with your chometz. I actually know quite a few people who do that. My freezer of course prevents me from taking that route. Instead, I follow option 2, which is to double-wrap the challah taken in wax paper or aluminum foil and then dispose of it in the garbage.

Happy baking!

Right to Set Their Own Rules

Over Shabbos, the conversation turned to some new tznius guidelines implemented in the Satmar community. The items specifically discussed included the decision to ban both shells and "the layered look".

The irony about the latter item was that just this past week I caved, and bought a very sweet, folky t-shirt to wear over my long-sleeve t-shirts. So as I sat there at the table, it was dressed for the very first time in banned item #2. This coincidence/timing actually furthered the conversation, so despite my initial embarrassment, I'm glad in the end that I was dressed as I was.

With regards to shells, it was commented by the women at the table that shells do tend to 1. move around (I suggested pinning them in place), and 2. draw attention to that part of the body, i.e. whatever pieces the shell is filling in, that's where the eye tends to fall. I suppose that the shells in question are of the tank top kind, with regards to comment 1, although I couldn't be certain.

As for the layered look, one woman scoffed (and commented that she liked how I looked in my outfit as proof), but another pointed out that the community has a right to set rules for themselves to follow. As non-Satmar, we can choose to either associate with them and follow the guidelines, or go elsewhere. I thought that was a particularly insightful comment. As for the whole issue of fashion, I can understand it. But then again, I've never been a slave to fashion. I like simple and neat, and am never up on the latest trends. So perhaps I'm not the best one to chime in. I will say that I am not generally a fan of the layered look (in spite of the compliment I was paid, lol), because it tends to look "forced", aka trying too hard to be hip. Again, what do I know?

Anyhow, I found the guidelines to be an interesting discussion point, and I hope I've provided some fodder for further discussion regarding current tznius standards, across communities.

Lessons of Nachshon

Having now undergone a full week of unemployment, my mind is level-headed enough that I am forcing myself to do things properly: I daven first thing in the morning, learn when I'm bored, think before I say a beracha about whether I need to use negelwasser, etc. etc. So I actually have a tidbit to share. Pre-Shabbos. Amazing, eh?

When mentioning the offerings that the leaders brought, Ohr Chachaim brings down two interrelated points concerning Nachshon from the tribe of Yehudah:

1. He is only indicated as a leader in the introduction.
2. He is the first to go and provide offerings.

As for the first point, Ohr Chachaim explains that it alludes to Nachshon's supreme modesty/humility, which leads in turn to the second point. Hashem had indicated to Moshe that the leaders should bring their offerings individually, on separate days, in the order of the tribes formations (see It's The Company That You Keep). By extension, that Nachshon came first combined with his great humility demonstrates that the reason for this ordering is in fact his personal merits. When a person provides an offering to Hashem, not only does Hashem consider the physical offering- He also considers the offering of the person themself, namely their spiritual level.

Since physical offerings can vary based on one's material means, I wanted to reiterate a point that I feel relevant to our lives today. Throughout the millenia, the level of prosperity amongst individuals has varied based on what Hashem deems is the requirement for the particular individual. Some people require much in order to feel secure enough to serve Hashem properly, while others do not. More importantly, if one is blessed with wealth from Hashem, the recipient must use that wealth appropriately, aka to serve Hashem by doing for the community. Thus, if one enjoys material prosperity, it is because that person cannot serve Hashem fully otherwise. The money/property in turn becomes the vehicle for the person to learn to value what they have and to help their fellow Jew. One without such material blessings is one who does not need to learn this lesson.

And some from Nachshon's humility and personal merit, we are reminded that all that we have is all that we need, because in the end, Hashem values what we have spiritually above all else.

Good Shabbos!

Beautiful

Such a beautiful day outside earlier, and even now, deep into the evening, you can still stroll outside minus a coat. It was even borderline too hot for my Shabbos walk, but not quite. :) I just slowed down, which gave me an opportunity to marvel at the trees in full bloom and the insane amount of people out on Ocean Parkway. I even saw a hint of what my single friend calls the single crowd; I had thought it was a bit of a myth, but no- there they all were clustered on the benches between L & M, basking in the sunshine and enjoying their socializing.

Of course, once I got home this evening, my little bubble burst slightly. My Israeli neighbours typically have 2 dozen people over for Shabbos, which is, to use their favourite adjective, "beautiful". What's a bit less beautiful is how the said crowd uses our hallway like their private veranda. That custom coupled with the neighbours' habit of their leaving the door open for hours so the cigarette smoke and natural screaming volume wafts into my apartment is typically enough to peeve me off a bit. I mean since when did the entire building become their territory? But now, with the fantastic weather, they have added a new, seasonal custom to the mix- opening up the skylight to go up onto the roof.

Now I can tolerate the noise, cigarette smoke, and overcrowding by reminding myself that they're young and Israeli, so pushiness and space-hogging is in their DNA. But the sunbathing comes with a real hassle, namely that they neglect to close the skylight when done. As a result, bugs, birds, and all kinds of other lovelies get into the building, and then our apartments. I stopped leaving my shoes outside last year upon finding pigeon feathers by them. Enough said.

So when I returned this evening to find the skylight open, after having discussed the situation with one of the neighbours and she had agreed to close it after they were done, I was a bit disappointed. It was a royal pain last year with the additional "nature" in the apartment, and I'm not revelling a repeat, chasve shalom.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm officially too old for in this apartment, and may have to seek out a dwelling better suited for an old bird like myself soon, LOL.

Gut voch.

Made It!

Phew. I don't know about you, but just making it through to this Shabbos seems like a major victory. Like the rest of you, I was up most of the night turning the house back to its chometzdik glory, baking challah, and prepping salads for Shabbos. After finishing the work day and cleaning the house, things seem to be ready to slide back into their regular routine- except for this nagging feeling that it's still Pesach and I shouldn't be getting cookie crumbs all over the place! :p

But it occurred to me that perhaps that's precisely why Hashem gives an "extra" payoff, so to speak, for baking challah this week. Pesach is Pesach and the rest of the year is the rest of the year. Right now, when we're all promising ourselves that this year we'll be disciplined and keep the house contained to its designated chometz zones so that next year's cleanup will be a snap, Hashem wants to give us a bit of a push in the right direction, i.e., Hashem wants us to recognize that Pesach is over and done with for the year, and we need to give the proper kavod to Shabbos by having challah and all the accompanying chometzdik foods. We did our job for this year in terms of Pesach, and cleaning for Pesach wouldn't be cleaning for Pesach if there's nothing to clean. So go ahead. Make that separation between Pesach and the rest of the year by eating that challah tonight and tomorrow. After all, that's exactly as Hashem wants it to be!

Good Shabbos!

Helpful Metaphors

This past Shabbos, I had the pleasure of seeing my friend S. Around seudah shlishi, she told me an inspiring story of an Israeli baal teshuva who shares his story. If anyone has any details, feel free to contribute.

In brief, this man was a drug addict and a criminal living here in America. One night he overdid it, and while in the taxi cab about to go home with his girlfriend in tow, he felt himself dying. He then felt himself hovering over the cab for a moment, during which he saw the entire lives of both his girlfriend of the taxi driver and his girlfriend. And the next moment he was up in shemayim.

There, he found himself in a stadium filled with billions of souls. And he was without clothes since he had performed no mitzvos. None. So he pleaded for a second chance, in order that when he should return, he would have merit.

Snap! There he found himself, back in the cab, and related what happened to his girlfriend. When she protested, he was able to tell her a shocking detail of her life, which she admitted she had never shared with anyone. The man of course became a fervent baal teshuva.

I thought about this story and found it a wonderful metaphor with which to guide one's life. For all those people who want to expand their wardrobe, they can focus on expanding their spiritual clothing collection! Every time we are faced with an opportunity to do a mitzvot, we can remember that we are building our wardrobe in the world to come!

At first I figured that I would properly forget to apply this lesson to my daily life. But then this morning, I found that I was able to focus better in my davening because I said to myself: I'm donning my armour, to protect myself from all the norishkeit and gashmius of the day. I guess it seeped deeper within me than I expected, B'H'!

So thanks, S, for sharing a wonderful story that is already inspiring me to stride higher in my spiritual health!

Ah, Welcome Home!

After my 23-hour day Thursday, I was so very much looking forward to getting a long night's sleep last night. To that end, I promptly finished learning and collapsed around 8:30 PM- a reasonable hour, by Friday night standards.

Alas, my anticipated night of REM cycles was not to be. At 1:30 AM I awoke to find the apartment FREEZING. However, since the landlord controls the heat and often sets the temperature on the cooler side for Shabbos (translation- keeps the temperature a good 10-15 degrees cooler than my liking but still within the boundaries of the law), I expected that after an hour or so the heat would kick in. Such was not the case. It would seem that the heater was once again broken, as it has been in recent months on a few occasions, and the heat did not sputter on until 8:30 AM, at which point I assume they found a goy on the street to flick the necessary switch.

Since my teeth were chattering uncontrollably, despite my donning sweaters and pacing relentlessly in my apartment for well over an hour at a time, I finally decided the heck with it, said Modei Ani, and rapidly finished off all of my tea essence stash. The said tea was depleted by 7 AM, so I was most thankful that the heat returned a mere 90 minutes later. What ensued was an exhausting Shabbos, capped off this evening with my discovering that I am now running a low-grade fever. A fine Welcome Home indeed...

To end on a plus note, I managed to catch up with 4 friends over the course of the afternoon, two of whom I have only seen rarely at best since I got married. While I would have preferred to socialized with them when I was more "with it", Hashem wound up awarding me a nice Shabbos overall.

That said, I wish everyone a Shavua Tov, and I'm off to drink some tea and honey. Here's wishing everyone a wonderful week.