Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Can't I Just Be Frum?

I heard recently that one of the latest questions that shadchanim ask a girl is whether she sleeps in a nightgown or pyjamas. Supposedly nowadays, as opposed to when I was growing up, the thought is that pyjamas are actually more tznius- despite consisting of pants. Perhaps they mean does the girl wear pyjama bottoms under the nightgown? All I know is my Mom had me sleeping in a nightgown at a pretty young age. And duh I wore something in addition to the nightgown, albeit not pyjama bottoms. So does that make me less tznius?

Which brings me to the point of this post. There I was yesterday, enjoying a little impromptu shopping in NWL, trying to decide whether I am now supposed to be buying PJs instead of nightgowns or in addition to nightgowns. And that's when I reached my limit. Why on earth should I be wasting mental energy trying to decide if nightgowns are now assur? WHO CARES?

It would appear though that Brooklyn cares. A lot. So here comes my question of the hour:

Why can't I just have a relationship with Hashem, without it becoming the business of everyone else in this and every other frummie neighbourhood? Why should anyone feel comfortable enough asking me what I wear to bed at night? How I stack my dishes on Shabbos and/or if I do? If I wear colour or only black and white? As long as I'm shomer mitzvos, show ahavah to my fellow yid, and try to continue to foster my relationship with The Creator, why must I be subjected to the questions/comments/looks?

Can't I just be frum and have that be good enough already?


  1. You are kidding me, right? What the heck is happening? And correct me if I am wrong, but this is pretty much only happening to girls/women. I haven't heard of anyone asking a guy whether he wears shorts or boxers. This whole peeping Tom mentality of shadchanim is nauseating.

    In addition, i would say that the question in itself is very not tznius. Asking someone you don't know about their underwear or sleepwear is past nisht.

    And what's next? Everyone who claims that they might have a boy for you is entitled to accompany you on your gyno visits?

  2. LPC, again, do not get me started, as have about twenty years of accumulated frustration and anger, and am about to boil over in a bad way.
    Sub, agree with you that only girls have to deal with all this crap; good one about gyn visit!

  3. Why? Because The Elders of Zion need a way to control the people. Otherwise, who'll pay their salaries?

    I don't give a rat's ass about any of the bans. Not about facebook, internet, tv, men wearing red, music, cell phones, video capable mp3 players, et cetera, ad nauseum.

    There is not one person today who has the authority to ban something for everyone. At most, these so called "rabbi" can only ban things for their immediate community members.
    And a lot of these bans are against hallacha anyway.

  4. Jiminy f'in' Cricket. I think the only right answer is it would be immodest of you to discuss that with anyone but your mother/aunt/sister. my best answer re: other people's expectations of you would be nightgowns with something underneath; anything more specific is only your business. Underwear is something. Jeepers. What is wrong with people? And who cares how you do your dishes, as long as you do your dishes? Are you kind and helpful? Do you speak ill of others? That's the stuff that matters, not if you have dirty dishes stacked under your nightgown.

  5. You watch your language young lady! I'll have none of this talk of dirty dishes under nightgowns!

  6. Mind your own nightgown, moshe. lol. glad to be here, PC.