Yesterday I was reading the parshah, and I hit upon a commentary that bowled me over.
Having spent my time down south amongst chassidim (Chabad and Breslov mainly), I'm well-versed in the whole "always be b'simchah" mentality. Or at least, so I thought. But when I saw that Hashem didn't appear to Yaacov a second time until after the mourning for Devorah and Rachel ceased, that made a big impression on me. Specifically, when I learned that the shechinah doesn't rest where there's sorrow, suddenly, a key concept banged me over the head.
If you think about it, our entire lives are supposed to be about enhancing our relationship with our Creator, thereby improving not only ourselves, but the state of our community, our fellow yiddin world wide, and indeed, all of creation. But if we are closed off from Hashem because our frame of mind prevents it, then that purpose remains out of reach. We can easily understand when people comment that to be sad, depressed, or angry cuts us off from Hashem on an intellectual level, and can even relate to feeling cut off at such times. Certainly when in the throes of negative emotion, it is simple to lower ourselves to a base level. That's why psychobabble loves to categorize various negative emotions as "primal", because they debase us to the level that we relinquish our free will. And that's why so much mussar material tries to get us to focus our attention on getting closer to Hashem, to help us overcome the always waiting road to negativity.
Yet if we contemplate this lesson from the parshah, one can also recognize that there are several components to it. First, one needs to remember that negativity renders us animalistic and denies the free will that Hashem gave only us amongst the species. Next, one needs to find a method to help overcome negative thinking. It is this step where I find many books to be lacking, since I find that most of their strategies simply don't work for me. Regardless, if one knows oneself, one can hit upon a strategy that could work, test it out, and fine tune or repeat the process until they find themselves improving. Finally, one needs to recognize that in order to rise higher both in this world and the next, one needs to always remain focussed on one's relationship with Hashem. A tall order, indeed, and one I've touched upon in my previous postings. But the beautiful phrasing of the parshah really rammed home that nugget of truth in such a way that it tied all the loose ends of wisdom/advice ("Everything is always for the best", "Being angry separates you from Hashem", "What's the use of being depressed? This world is so fleeting and you being depressed does nothing to change your lot, so...", etc.) into a useful bow.
In short, by banishing negativity in one's mind, one's heart becomes unfettered and open to Hashem. In turn, one can improve spiritually, and also have one's heart open to help one's family, one's community, even the world.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Just Pick One, Will You?
As I've mentioned previously, I live in the quintessential Brooklyn apartment: hellish in summer and freezing in winter. But perhaps my favourite feature is the non-stop draft. Fresh air is one thing, but for the past few weeks I've had the blinds banging furiously in all rooms due to the worn-away insulation. Every Sunday night since I've had the same epiphany- DUH. I forgot to plastic wrap the windows. Again.
Since I've been waiting for my freshly laundered blanket to be dry before heading off to bed, and the said draftiness has basically offset the blankie's readiness before, uhm, Tuesday at this point (you would think it have been blown dry by the wind, no?), I figured why don't I check the weather forecast?
Suffice it to say that I got a nice laugh once I got a look at this week's forecast. Tonight, it's -13 C. That's almost Canadian cold, people. But what got the laugh was Wednesday's high: 14 C. So in 72 hours we go from winter to spring. You gotta love New York.
Until Wednesday though, I guess I'll be lugging my mini-heater from room to room. Like now, for instance. Here's to wishing you all a good night. :=)
Since I've been waiting for my freshly laundered blanket to be dry before heading off to bed, and the said draftiness has basically offset the blankie's readiness before, uhm, Tuesday at this point (you would think it have been blown dry by the wind, no?), I figured why don't I check the weather forecast?
Suffice it to say that I got a nice laugh once I got a look at this week's forecast. Tonight, it's -13 C. That's almost Canadian cold, people. But what got the laugh was Wednesday's high: 14 C. So in 72 hours we go from winter to spring. You gotta love New York.
Until Wednesday though, I guess I'll be lugging my mini-heater from room to room. Like now, for instance. Here's to wishing you all a good night. :=)
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Happy Birthday Wishes
I wanted to take brief break (yes, I'm busy working) to wish my husband and father-in-law a Happy Birthday. Yes, they share a birthday. Freaky, no?
So, A and Abba S- here's to wishing you only the best, both for your birthday and the whole year...
So, A and Abba S- here's to wishing you only the best, both for your birthday and the whole year...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Theme Songs
First, I need to give credit where it's due. So kudos to Barb Chansky of Barb's World who found the perfect adjective to describe me: quirky.
I have always happily described myself as unique because in my family, we're all a bunch of characters who, while frum, don't quite fit the generic frummie mold. But I'm sure you've figured ***that*** one out already. Case in point, since my mother was heavily involved in music, we were encouraged to pursue the arts- not something you'll find in your typical Brooklyn home. While music and art might be appreciated by some, they are certainly not viewed as important to a child's development. Yet I would suggest that it was my constant exposure to the arts that helped me develop certain skills. It's a proven fact, for example, that children who learn music are more adept at tasks that require sequencing, if not full-out mathematical logic.
Upon becoming more frum, I was faced with a conundrum. What do I do about my music? Suffice it to say that music went to the back burner. Nobody wants to hear me sing, which I completely understand from a tznius perspective. And yet for someone who was constantly singing up until recently, including performing and touring as part of an ensemble, to have to turn off that part of yourself is difficult. In fact, it's a tad stifling, albeit for the ultimate cause. More difficult to navigate in a way was my music collection. Obviously all the standard choral music is of a liturgical bent, so that's definitely ix-nay. As for my hard rock collection, I don't think 99% of my neighbours want to hear anything beyond "JPop". I mean, I have a couple of Jewish music albums (sorry- what do the kids call albums these days? I miss vinyl...), and even those I only bought because of the lyrics, not the music. Which is not to knock the Jewish music scene. There are some phenomenally gifted performers out there, especially amongst the young boy singers.
Lately, as I mentioned a few posts ago, I've allowed myself to get back to listening to mainstream music. If I hit a song that's untznius, I either skip it or switch the radio off. I was shocked to discover a "racy" song even on my favourite Dinah Washington album. You can imagine how quickly I hit the >> button on that one, although a tad sadly. She was such a marvelous talent.
Which brings me to theme songs. I don't know about you, but I find that I've had theme songs for given years of my life. Indeed, when I hear certain songs (and my arsenal of such songs easily surpasses the 3 dozen mark), I am actually transported back to that given point in time. So far this month I've got 4 theme songs. Yes, 4- when you have as much going on as I do right now, you tend to be a bit schizoid and require more than one theme song. And, for the record, that's exactly the same reason why I've been tending to abandon theme songs at a bi-weekly rate. What's interesting to note, and probably qualifies as a caveat, is that none of these songs belongs to the styles of music I typically listen to. I guess that means that either my tastes have returned to their eclectic roots (I used to say I'll listen to anything except hair metal and country. Even that no longer holds true. ), or I really am going over the deep end. :P
Anyway, here they are, in order of how often I hit replay. I'm loving Santagold's lyrics; you'll see what I mean. Feel free to weigh in or even share your own.
I have always happily described myself as unique because in my family, we're all a bunch of characters who, while frum, don't quite fit the generic frummie mold. But I'm sure you've figured ***that*** one out already. Case in point, since my mother was heavily involved in music, we were encouraged to pursue the arts- not something you'll find in your typical Brooklyn home. While music and art might be appreciated by some, they are certainly not viewed as important to a child's development. Yet I would suggest that it was my constant exposure to the arts that helped me develop certain skills. It's a proven fact, for example, that children who learn music are more adept at tasks that require sequencing, if not full-out mathematical logic.
Upon becoming more frum, I was faced with a conundrum. What do I do about my music? Suffice it to say that music went to the back burner. Nobody wants to hear me sing, which I completely understand from a tznius perspective. And yet for someone who was constantly singing up until recently, including performing and touring as part of an ensemble, to have to turn off that part of yourself is difficult. In fact, it's a tad stifling, albeit for the ultimate cause. More difficult to navigate in a way was my music collection. Obviously all the standard choral music is of a liturgical bent, so that's definitely ix-nay. As for my hard rock collection, I don't think 99% of my neighbours want to hear anything beyond "JPop". I mean, I have a couple of Jewish music albums (sorry- what do the kids call albums these days? I miss vinyl...), and even those I only bought because of the lyrics, not the music. Which is not to knock the Jewish music scene. There are some phenomenally gifted performers out there, especially amongst the young boy singers.
Lately, as I mentioned a few posts ago, I've allowed myself to get back to listening to mainstream music. If I hit a song that's untznius, I either skip it or switch the radio off. I was shocked to discover a "racy" song even on my favourite Dinah Washington album. You can imagine how quickly I hit the >> button on that one, although a tad sadly. She was such a marvelous talent.
Which brings me to theme songs. I don't know about you, but I find that I've had theme songs for given years of my life. Indeed, when I hear certain songs (and my arsenal of such songs easily surpasses the 3 dozen mark), I am actually transported back to that given point in time. So far this month I've got 4 theme songs. Yes, 4- when you have as much going on as I do right now, you tend to be a bit schizoid and require more than one theme song. And, for the record, that's exactly the same reason why I've been tending to abandon theme songs at a bi-weekly rate. What's interesting to note, and probably qualifies as a caveat, is that none of these songs belongs to the styles of music I typically listen to. I guess that means that either my tastes have returned to their eclectic roots (I used to say I'll listen to anything except hair metal and country. Even that no longer holds true. ), or I really am going over the deep end. :P
Anyway, here they are, in order of how often I hit replay. I'm loving Santagold's lyrics; you'll see what I mean. Feel free to weigh in or even share your own.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Surprise
Things got interesting on the job front today. During our weekly team meeting, they mentioned that they had gotten verbal confirmation that the contract with our client would be extended through the next phase, i.e. for the next three months. So after some downtime, those who are continuing with the project will resume work sometime in January.
Problem is, they aren't certain that they can keep the whole team into the next phase. In short, I'm in the same boat, in terms of knowing whether or not I'll have a job come mid-December. I assume that the matter will resolve in the coming week. At least, one would hope.
Since I don't know what's happening with my current project, I've been trying to apply elsewhere. Unfortunately, there aren't too many jobs out there right now. The end of year is typically slow for a job search, and coupled with yesterday's headlines (USA OFFICIALLY IN A RECESSION THAT BEGAN IN DECEMBER 2007), let's just say that the situation is less than ideal.
One ray of hope came via my voicemail late yesterday. The HR Manager at one company wanted to have a brief chat to discuss my profile prior to an official phone screen sometime next week. As time is of the essence in this economic climate, I figured that despite my supreme lack of sleep and extremely stressful workday (this project is a killer), I had better respond to her inquiry. Today. So I sent her an email asking when she was available for the stated brief chat. She said 4 PM. No problem.
So I called at 4, and lo! The brief chat turned out to be a full-blown HR phone interview clocking in at the 45 minutes mark. I felt like an idiot. I should've realized that this would a bona fide interview, but since I've had very preliminary chats in the past with HR reps, I thought this would be par for the course.
You can imagine that, as a Yekki, I always come to an interview prepared. I surmised that her light touch was a deliberate tactic to have me interview on-the-fly, thereby gaining some insight into my true character, communication style, etc. See how I think on my feet, as they say. While I felt misled, the lesson was instructive- prepare for every interaction with a potential employer as if it was an interview. I mean, I generally do prepare, but this was an extreme example of why one should never take time with the client for granted.
Anyhow the outcome of it all is in Hashem's hands now. Here's to hoping that it's basheret.
Problem is, they aren't certain that they can keep the whole team into the next phase. In short, I'm in the same boat, in terms of knowing whether or not I'll have a job come mid-December. I assume that the matter will resolve in the coming week. At least, one would hope.
Since I don't know what's happening with my current project, I've been trying to apply elsewhere. Unfortunately, there aren't too many jobs out there right now. The end of year is typically slow for a job search, and coupled with yesterday's headlines (USA OFFICIALLY IN A RECESSION THAT BEGAN IN DECEMBER 2007), let's just say that the situation is less than ideal.
One ray of hope came via my voicemail late yesterday. The HR Manager at one company wanted to have a brief chat to discuss my profile prior to an official phone screen sometime next week. As time is of the essence in this economic climate, I figured that despite my supreme lack of sleep and extremely stressful workday (this project is a killer), I had better respond to her inquiry. Today. So I sent her an email asking when she was available for the stated brief chat. She said 4 PM. No problem.
So I called at 4, and lo! The brief chat turned out to be a full-blown HR phone interview clocking in at the 45 minutes mark. I felt like an idiot. I should've realized that this would a bona fide interview, but since I've had very preliminary chats in the past with HR reps, I thought this would be par for the course.
You can imagine that, as a Yekki, I always come to an interview prepared. I surmised that her light touch was a deliberate tactic to have me interview on-the-fly, thereby gaining some insight into my true character, communication style, etc. See how I think on my feet, as they say. While I felt misled, the lesson was instructive- prepare for every interaction with a potential employer as if it was an interview. I mean, I generally do prepare, but this was an extreme example of why one should never take time with the client for granted.
Anyhow the outcome of it all is in Hashem's hands now. Here's to hoping that it's basheret.
Monday, December 1, 2008
HELP
As I have mentioned previously, I love to bake whenever I'm stressed out. Maybe it's pounding the dough thin or something, but I find it really gets rid of the stress. Then again, who doesn't enjoy the wonderful smell of cookies permeating their flat?
Lately I've been baking variations on a vegan cookie recipe that I found online. So far I've made:
Normally I am a three cookie eater. Believe me, I would love to be someone who could limit myself to a single cookie; a most admirable trait. True, I suppose I should count myself lucky that I'm not prone to eating entire rows of Oreos and the like. Still, with these batches, I find myself stretching beyond my usual three.
If anyone has any strategies to avoid scarfing down these cookies - aside from not baking that is; it's been very stressful around here these past few days? weeks? years? oops, sorry!- please share! And, for the record, don't bother with the "freeze them" suggestion. I adore cookies straight from the freezer! Especially chocolate chip. Which reminds me...just kidding...
Lately I've been baking variations on a vegan cookie recipe that I found online. So far I've made:
- Chocolate chip
- Double chocolate chip
- Cinnamon
- Honey sunflower seed
Normally I am a three cookie eater. Believe me, I would love to be someone who could limit myself to a single cookie; a most admirable trait. True, I suppose I should count myself lucky that I'm not prone to eating entire rows of Oreos and the like. Still, with these batches, I find myself stretching beyond my usual three.
If anyone has any strategies to avoid scarfing down these cookies - aside from not baking that is; it's been very stressful around here these past few days? weeks? years? oops, sorry!- please share! And, for the record, don't bother with the "freeze them" suggestion. I adore cookies straight from the freezer! Especially chocolate chip. Which reminds me...just kidding...
Silly Habit
I often find myself up early into the morning, exhausted but unable to sleep. Over the past few years, I've hit upon a strategy that inevitably causes me to get to sleep at a more reasonable hour: I take an online IQ test.
As a caveat, I don't believe that IQ tests mean anything. I knew roofers who scored below average yet had brilliant people skills, and geniuses with incredibly high scores (as in there are only 1 in 1 billion people who score like them) who could barely function socially. In short, who do you think did better in life, including their careers? Enough said.
One aspect of this ridiculous habit that I find so intriguing is that despite my invariably testing at say 2 AM on 3 hours sleep, my score is within 2-3 points of my daytime score. However, I believe that such scoring demonstrates not that one's IQ score remains static over one's lifetime, but rather that how one chooses to applying themselves mentally is based on their given comfort zones. We will tend, it seems, to always approach the same test the same way. That's why, even if you've taken the test a gazillion times, your score won't significantly improve unless you change how you apply yourself to it.
Interestingly, my main fascination with taking the test is due to having perceived over time that depending on the given day, I will excel in two of the given logic testing areas:
Anyhow, feel free to comment- and share your IQ scores and/or thoughts on such testing.
As a caveat, I don't believe that IQ tests mean anything. I knew roofers who scored below average yet had brilliant people skills, and geniuses with incredibly high scores (as in there are only 1 in 1 billion people who score like them) who could barely function socially. In short, who do you think did better in life, including their careers? Enough said.
One aspect of this ridiculous habit that I find so intriguing is that despite my invariably testing at say 2 AM on 3 hours sleep, my score is within 2-3 points of my daytime score. However, I believe that such scoring demonstrates not that one's IQ score remains static over one's lifetime, but rather that how one chooses to applying themselves mentally is based on their given comfort zones. We will tend, it seems, to always approach the same test the same way. That's why, even if you've taken the test a gazillion times, your score won't significantly improve unless you change how you apply yourself to it.
Interestingly, my main fascination with taking the test is due to having perceived over time that depending on the given day, I will excel in two of the given logic testing areas:
- numeric, e.g. how much is___ or what is the missing number in the sequence
- spatial-visual, e.g. what is the next item in the sequence or how many 4 dimensional items are there in the graphic
- verbal, e.g. unscrambling words or discerning the best match to a given meaning
- deductive, e.g. if Xs are all Ys and Ys are all Zs, is it true that all Zs are Xs?
Anyhow, feel free to comment- and share your IQ scores and/or thoughts on such testing.
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