Nothing Yet

I devoted quite a bit of time the last few days preparing for my interview tomorrow, all the while hoping that the job that I have been interviewing for the last 2 months would come through this afternoon. I was a tad disappointed when I discovered at 4 PM that they decided to go with the other candidate but figured, No worries. Wouldn't you know though, I had just hung up the phone when my representative for the job I was interviewing for tomorrow rang to inform me that the client instated a budget freeze. Translation- no job to interview for tomorrow. Sigh. Look, obviously that's what Hashem wants for me, so I can't complain. Evidently I'm just supposed to have more time to devote to things outside of work. As we all know though, life offers a constant conundrum: when you're working, you have money but no free time, and when you're not working, you have free time, but no income (albeit not oodles of time if you are seriously embroiled in a job search). What I really need is a new job where I could have income but also have enough time to myself that I feel like a human being. A tall order, I know. I don't think I need to find my dream job though in order to obtain that balance, just the right job. With Hashem's Infinite Compassion, hopefully He will select to bestow such a job upon me in the near future, bli ayin hara!

I spent the last few hours attending to my latest project, which is a wardrobe update. After the deposition last week, I decided it was high time that I accept that the surgery resulted in permanent changes to my mid-section and I will not be returning to my pre-accident shape. To that end, I decided to not only get rid of the outfit my husband bought for the trip home from hospital (they had cut off all my clothes in the ambulance, leaving me clothing-less), but also any clothes that no longer fit me or are showing the effects of too much wear. I have subsequently been paring down my closet piece by piece, and am happy to see that slowly my closet is beginning to contain only items that coordinate with each other and that I look good wearing.

Still, as I was mentally reviewing new items to add to the "donate" garbage bag, I began to get a bit nervous. After all, perhaps now isn't the best time to devote a few hundred dollars to new clothing/shoes; I have a gazillion bills coming in for myriad expenses, so maybe my current project is misguided. But then I took a good Yekki evaluation of the situation, and decided that while shopping was a tad extravagant in that I do have clothes to wear, the positive effects on my mood and overall image would probably make the experience worthwhile. Given all that has been going on lately, I figured that an overhaul of what I see in the mirror could provide a solid base for my new, "post-accident" self.

To put it differently, while it's great to focus on my internal self, I shouldn't neglect how my external self is doing. Sure, I've been exercising, although not at my pre-accident levels, and sure I always devote thought to my appearance so that I can make a decent impression. But maybe my internal self could get a bit of encouragement from some pampering of my external self. I admit that as a Yekki, I often talk myself out of doing anything that is even remotely indulgent. Yet the occasional indulgence is quite healthy, and in fact respectful of one's needs. In light of the fact that I have put myself on the back burner the last couple of years to attend to my husband and his family's needs, I decided that I could start attending to myself more often- like I did back when we were dating. Hmmm.

In short, bring on those Back-to-School sales! I may not be a kid, but I certainly remember how sweet it was when I got an outfit for the first day of classes. And nobody should be deprived of that beautiful feeling...